When the eleven disciples saw Jesus, they worshiped; but some doubted (Matthew 28:17).

Wait, what?  The eleven disciples – Peter, James, John, Andrew, Thomas and the rest – met with the resurrected Jesus … and some doubted?  Some of these eleven, all of whom had been following Jesus for several years, who had seen him, heard him, watched him heal the sick, raise the dead, walk on water … saw him crucified, dead and buried … AND were met by the Risen Lord, on more than one occasion … some of them doubted?

Well, the Greek word translated doubted could also be translated hesitated … but that’s not really any better, right?  Why do we hesitate if we are not already in some doubt?

Doubt is different from unbelief.  The latter is a settled disposition, a hardened position: I do not, and will not, believe thus-and-so.  Doubt is a bit different; it has to do with uncertainty, with possibly good questions that don’t yet have good answers, with wondering what and whom to trust, and why.  And yes, there can be a cowardice component to doubt, a self-protective fearfulness about stepping out into what God is calling me to.

The good news?  Jesus doesn’t disqualify the doubters.  He doesn’t reduce the eleven to the five, say, who “worshipped him” but did not doubt.  He included the hesitatingly doubtful in the Great Commission.

More good news: all eleven made it.  “Doubting Thomas” took the Gospel all the way to India, James all the way to Spain, and the others did carry the Good News throughout their world.  Doubters weren’t disqualified; instead, they received the grace they needed to not remain hesitators forever.

Most all of us wrestle with doubt, at least occasionally.  Most all of us can look back over our lives and can see times when we hesitated but shouldn’t have.

Notice the way these words, “they worshiped, but some doubted,” connects doubt and worship.  There is something about true worship that graciously makes room for doubts to surface, be named, be faced.  Not instantly, not all at once, but –

Eugene Peterson, author of The Message, tells the story of a man in his congregation who only came to church to please his wife, and maybe make a few social connections.  He didn’t buy any of the God-talk.  Part of that church’s weekly worship was to recite the Apostles’ Creed.  Peterson noticed that at first, the man sat tight-lipped.  But slowly, over time, Peterson noticed that the man finally reached a place where he was willing to say “I believe”—only that, just the first two words.  But then, gradually, week by week, he was willing to say more and more of the words.  He eventually met with Peterson to share that he had, in fact, become a believer – he really had come to believe what the church confesses about her Lord.

You’re right: God is not obligated to answer any or all of our questions.  We do not get “100% guaranteed certainty” and cannot wait for it before we get going.  But the best thing to do with our doubts (and we all have them) is not to try and think our way out of them; it’s to worship our way into the Presence of God.

Jesus’ final words in this Gospel: “And surely I am with you always.”

Even with doubting me.

What is a current place of doubt or hesitation for you?  How might you “offer” your doubt as an act of worship?

If you’d like to read or re-read the overview/summary of this week’s passage, you can find it here.