“Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time.” John 21:17b

It’s an all-too familiar setting for me: routinely beset by insomnia, I lie awake, easily for an hour or more. Before you suggest it, yes, I do pray - well, I start with good intentions, but invariably my mind wanders to My Worst Sins Highlights, where I peer intently into the rearview mirror. Sometimes, I wish away something foolish I did or relive the situation but this time saying the right thing. All too frequently, though, I chew on past sins, fully aware I am forgiven, but still beating myself up about them - something so easy to do in the dark hours, wide awake, victim to Satan’s machinations. How could you have acted that way, he taunts me; God is so disappointed in you. Reliving the experiences, compounding my guilt, remaining discouraged until I fall asleep. 

That’s about as far from soaring as it gets. 

I imagine Peter spent similar hours as he rehashed his three-fold betrayal of Christ over and over again. Had he experienced Jesus’ forgiveness in the closed room (John 20:19ff), or had he shied away from His resurrection presence, grounded from joy in Jesus by his acute embarrassment and shame? 

The first step to my or Peter’s soaring is to own the mistake, to name it without making any excuses. But notice how tenderly Jesus issues His forgiveness, even when Peter (perhaps still conscience-stricken) hasn’t asked for it. Jesus doesn’t come to me, to Peter, or to you with accusations (that’s the devil’s tactic): How could you?? Instead, Jesus merely asks Peter if he loves Him. Over and over and over, Peter replies yes, a three-fold declaration of love to erase his betrayal. 

Being confronted with our sin stings: “Peter was hurt” (v.17). But once Jesus exposes it, forgiveness and healing occur, and we’re ready to soar again into fruitfulness and service.  And deal with our sin we must. Peter has a pivotal sermon ahead of him and some epistles to write. He’ll never soar into those without this confrontational moment and a reaffirmation of his commitment and devotion to Christ. And note what Jesus doesn’t say: It’s all ok now. No, Jesus charges Peter with a get back in the game command: “feed my lambs…feed my sheep” (vs.15,17). In other words, as I saw on an inspirational plaque once, Stop looking at life in the rearview mirror, Peter; you’re not going that way. And praise God I'm not either. 

Soaring lies ahead, not behind.

Will dark hours of regretful rumination still come? Probably. But resolve with me to let those dreadful mistakes and sins be a “rudder to guide us, not an anchor to drag us, to learn from the past without living in the past” (Warren Wiersbe). Resolve to bid Satan flee and take his taunts with him. Resolve to purposefully turn to God in those moments, quoting Scripture back to him: “as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed my transgressions from me” (Ps. 130:12). Soaring awaits.