“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

- Matthew 18:15-17

This week we’re going to unpack this teaching Jesus gave on conflict.

When it comes to conflict, we tend to either be aggressive or avoidant. Some of us dig conflict, fly into it and immediately escalate to Defcon Disaster. Others of us look for every excuse imaginable to escape confrontation. Wherever you are on the conflict spectrum, Jesus’ instruction will challenge you.

Whether the sin that’s done is against us or just done in general and we witness it, Jesus’ instruction creates a tremendous tension. Sin is still acknowledged and the sinner is still loved.

To collapse this tension in either direction is disastrous. To attempt acceptance without acknowledging sin leaves the sinner stuck in their own mess. To point out sin without showing love hurts the person stuck in sin AND fuels self-righteousness in the person pointing out the sin.

Jesus holds this tension – both acknowledgment and love – and this means that courageous humility will be required FROM BOTH SIDES in order to have hard conversations in a gracious way.

Those who are aggressive in conflict will need to grow to communicate with gentleness and love. Those who are conflict-avoidant will need to grow to communicate with courage.

Where do you find yourself? Are you more aggressive or avoidant when it comes to conflict?