Healthy confrontation conversations

3

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!”

- from 2 Samuel 12:7

Without its context today’s passage sounds like a ringing endorsement (one can imagine the Superbowl contenders this week extolling their quarterbacks in much the same way). But what happened in this interaction between David and Nathan rocked David’s world.

David shirked his duty as a king, had an affair and then leveraged his position of power to cover it all up. And he thought he had gotten away with it.

Then Nathan showed up. Nathan was David’s friend. He had the courage to confront the king but also the wisdom to do it well.

Nathan told David a parable, engaged his emotions, helped his see his own situation from a different perspective, then confronted him with his sin. David repented. And Nathan helped him pick up the pieces.

We all need people like Nathan in our lives, people who will confront us when we’ve gone astray and help us pick up the pieces as we wade through the consequences of our sins.

There are so many ways confrontation can go wrong. We may not prepare for the confrontation properly. We may get judgmental or vague or aggressive. We may push our friends into defensive postures. We may pull the ripcord after the confrontation and abandon our friends to deal with their own mess. We may chicken out altogether and avoid the conversation—for many of us this is our most frequent sin.

How can we have healthier conversations about the sins we see in our friends’ lives?

First, we can pray. Nathan heard from God before he talked to David. Every conversation about sin should be bathed in prayer. Take time to pray before talking.

Second, we can prepare. Nathan came up with a creative approach to engage David. How can I bring this up in a way that starts a conversation and not an accusation?

Lastly, we can persist. Nathan didn’t give up on David. He stayed engaged with David all the days of his life, deeply shaping the early kingship of David’s son Solomon. How can you communicate, even in the midst of a confrontation, that you are committed to your friend?

3 Comments

I find the Holy Spirit works like Nathan in my life and confronts me AND stays engaged with me throughout my conflict with myself and others.

Good advice guys! Thanks again for your faithful teaching and incites! It's truly a blessing to have both faithful and gifted pastors.

Remain calm and do not rush.

Leave a Comment

Comments for this post have been disabled.