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“Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.” Romans 14:13b

Is it just me, or do you ever want to say, “But my way is better”? Do you feel the longer you’ve done something, the more expert you feel? I’ve been grading compositions for years now; my system works best. I raised two children; let me tell you how to discipline my grandchildren. This is the better route to drive; this is the easier way to do your financial spreadsheets; this is the right way to make peanut butter cookies. And when my wise counsel is ignored or, worse, patronized? I admit it: I become judgmental. 

Do I act similarly in church since I’ve been a Christian for decades? Do I feel others, especially those new to the church, should live up to my standards? After all, I’ve been at this Christian thing for a long time now; I’m mature.

Full stop. 

My smug attitude here is far different from whose Excel sheet format is better. This is community with fellow Christians, and if I am setting up my standards (of diet, clothing, alcohol consumption, music styles, or anything that is not essential doctrine) as a benchmark, I have appropriated authority that is not even close to mine to take. When I start looking down on others who do not act as I do, I need a hard look at Romans 14 because I am more concerned about uniformity than unity. 

Paul’s words sting: “accept [others].... without passing judgment on disputable matters”; “why do you judge your brother...why do you look down?”; “we will all stand before God's judgment seat” (vs.1,10).

While the essentials of our faith are not up for debate, we do have freedom to hold convictions about matters where Scripture doesn’t give clear guidelines. But we must be discerning. Christian maturity doesn’t mean requiring others’ adherence to my convictions. It means refraining from doing or saying something around other Christians that I know they’ll disapprove of, even though I see nothing wrong. My freedom to wear slacks in a church where the women wear dresses is clear, yes, but is it loving? While I think flaunting my freedom might open fellow believers’ eyes, I am much more likely to offend. “If a brother is distressed because of what you [are doing], you are no longer acting in love” (v.15, italics added). 

This is love: changing my conduct (not my conviction) so as not to offend my sister or brother. 

Think about a conviction you hold strongly, one where you have judged someone or even separated yourself from them because they didn’t feel similarly. Spend a few minutes praying about your response. Is it contributing to unity in the Body? If not, ask God to show you how to temper your liberty with love.

We know unity in the church is paramount, but we don’t all have to agree on everything. Discussion can be healthy. We might think someone is wrong but still respect their right to hold that conviction. Pray about approaching someone whose view on x, y, or z varies from yours. Be open to God showing you that you might be wrong!

St. Augustine is given credit for saying, “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; and in all things, charity.” Spend a few moments praying this guideline for our church, that we would “make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification and not destroy the work of God for the sake of a [non-essential conviction]” (Rom. 14: 19-20).