Against favoritism

Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.
- Genesis 37:3-4
 
Favoritism in families is always destructive.
 
Jacob – also known as Israel – grew up in a household who played favorites. He was a momma’s boy. She helped him cheat his older brother (dad’s favorite) out of his inheritance. This caused all kinds of trouble, leading to Jacob running away from home.
 
But Jacob didn’t learn from this experience. He ended up getting tricked into marrying two sisters (seriously, did you know the Bible had wild stories like these?). He preferred Rachel to Leah and made no secret of it. When Jacob became a father, he favored Rachel’s sons (Joseph and Benjamin) over his other ten sons. This also caused all kinds of trouble.
 
Joseph’s brothers grew up hating him. The favoritism Jacob showed Joseph gave space for Joseph’s immaturity to fuel the flame of his brother’s jealous hatred. Were we able to mentor Joseph in his youth, we might have counseled him to tread lightly in light of his father’s favoritism and the inevitable jealousy it provoked. Instead, Joseph makes things worse (more on this tomorrow).
 
Favoritism is one of many broken relational patterns that separate us from each other. In addition to the jealousy it provokes, it can lead to self-hatred and self-righteousness, unhealthy competition, and performance-based love. We all long to be loved and appreciated, known and accepted, welcome and wanted. When someone plays favorites, a switch inside us gets flipped and we wander into dangerous roads. Whether we play the game or run from it, we suffer.
 
And this is especially true in families.
 
God would have every excuse in the world to play favorites. Some of us are more pleasant to be around or have better taste in basketball teams. But God accepts each of us as his own beloved sons and daughters. He doesn’t show favoritism and doesn’t allow it to run unchecked in his family. He teaches each of us to love each other well.
 
When have you experienced the destructive effect of favoritism? Where do you find yourself tempted to show favoritism? Where do you need to receive healing or to change behavior?

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